So, Part 1 I wanted to just be about my brothers I lost. They played an instrumental role in the way I view relationships, albeit romantic or platonic friendship. Most importantly though, they are examples of they way I reflect on the modern social interaction(s) between unrelated black men and women.
Part 2 is about dealing with loss, even when the loss is still around... and looking at your stories on social media, and liking your posts, giving you views, but just not saying or typing a word.
This goes out to all the EX's!
Ex's include but are not limited to:
Ex Significant Other(s)
Ex Best Friends
Hand Out Friends
Forever Needing Friends
the Fu*K Boi's
Smile in Your Face aka Acquaintances
In the same year I lost two of my closest male friends, it dawned on me that I had also lost a third. My best girl friend in San Antonio, TX. We had grown into women together, spending almost every high school weekend together. I met her in 2006, fresh from Italy moving to Texas. She was the first black girl I had met at a high school I hated, so she was my saving grace. When our third musketeer got pregnant the summer of 2010, we supported and rallied behind her. I left and went to college, and I guess that's when I noticed the communication plummet, but in all honesty I didn't think anything of it.
---See, I'm a military brat, and I understand what distance can do to a relationship. But, it's probably why I've always been pretty big on communication.---
When I would come home, she was always the first person I would hit up. I would also go see about our third friend who had the baby. Everyone was growing up and progressing.
I graduated from Howard University in 2014 and moved to HTX to start graduate school. I remember calling and stressing because it eventually became apparent that the plans I had worked out for myself did not fit with the program I was already enrolled in. So, despite my pride, I disenrolled from the university I was at in HTX and moved back home to San Antonio. My best girl friend in SATX had convinced me to go to the same university she was attending to study Social Work. Not only after much consideration was I convinced to go to the same university, but we agreed to move out of our mother's houses and in together in our first apartment as independent women (yes, my mother co-signed, but we paid every single last bill in full).
During our 15 month lease, we worked, lived, and socialized together. She was my first girl friend in "The States" remember,so she knew just about everything about me or at least had seen an inside glimpse. We knew each other's parents and shared mutual friends.
Honestly, still to this day I'm not sure why or how we fell off. I have my suspicions, but I made all the attempts towards reconciliation as one possibly could before sacrificing their dignity. So, here I'd like you all to insert the 'I Don't Know' emoji. Towards the end of our lease, she'd expressed not wanting to renew and a desire to move back in with her mother. This did not anger me, for it was cheaper and emotionally wiser for me to move back in with my mother as well. But the way she left our apartment was unusual to say the least, and we haven't really talked since or seen each other besides the day of receiving the news of our friend, Chris's death and other events in his memory and Terrence's funeral.
So, at some point between February and November 2018 I realized without a doubt me and this girl were no longer friends, and more importantly to stop getting disappointed due to outdated expectations...