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How Do I Say Good Bye: Part I

This is one of the more emotionally trying articles I imagine I will ever post.. or at least I hope it is.

It's funny, to get in the mood to write about this subject, I've been listening to old school 70's feel good music like 'I'll Take You There' x Staple Singers and 'Living for the Love of You' x Isley Brothers. As the songs play I am brought back to a 'simpler time,' as a child falling asleep in the back seat of my parents car, later as a teenager arguing over the lunch table with my friends over political correctness and black culture, and running outside to get a good spot as the guys started a rapping cypher... Honestly, with that last memory, I almost always see Terrence L. Scott and Christopher R. Polk. And just so you know, I just heard Chris scolding me for using his 'whole government,' like that..

I am talking about losing a friend, in my case, losing three.. in the same year.

Two of whom passed, and one... well we just simply are not 'friends,' anymore. All of whose stories' in my Book of Life start in the same chapter...


I moved to San Antonio, TX from Aviano, Italy the summer of 2006. I was 13 when I started High School, and moving to Texas was a culture shock to say the least. My mother is from the Southside of Chicago, and my dad's side of the family is scattered mostly in Forsyth Georgia and the suburbs of Atlanta, so beyond Chicago and Georgia I didn't have a concept of what living in America or 'the States,' as we called it, was like. My freshman year I started at O'Connor H.S. Quite frankly I hated it, but I had met two black girls, whom I thought to myself surely we'll be friends forever. These girls and I hung out all the time, the three musketeers we were. One night we planned to go to the movies, I remember asking, "Cool, what are going to see?" Both girls looked at me and chuckled "we're not going to see a movie, we're just going to the movies." The States already made no sense to me, but what do I know I'm the 'new girl from Italy.' My mother allowed me to go to the movies and that was the first time I met...


I'm walking in ApeLife's first annual Fashion Show! The first show will be held on the 1 yr Anniversary of Chris P.'s passing.

Chris P. (4.3.92-2.24.18)

Now I cannot lie, the first time I met Chris P. it was like meeting a young mob boss. Only because he seemed to be so notorious, his name proceeded him, everybody knew him. For weeks I felt I wouldn't really be accepted or initiated into the club until I had the opportunity of meeting him. We met and our friendship would only grow and blossom from there. At the same time, at the same Silverado 16 movie theatre I met some other guys who share my loss, and one of those young men was...

Terrence S. (2.27.92 - 11.17.2)

I have to admit, me and Terrence dated for a little while back in high school. I remember us talking on the phone during the summer before I switched to Taft High School. Actually, it used to be Chris, Terrence, and Phil on a three-way call, and we would all just be talking on the phone goofing off until a parent would notice what time it was and take our phones away. Terrence was always sweet. He is my first affirming point of reference towards the sentiment, "a man interested will let you know, and do anything to let you know he is interested." I also think he was the first guy to pick me up some food "on the way." All my ladies know how essential the 'quick meal drop off,' is, and he got my order right!


Both my friends are gone. Both my friends are gone due to little boys having guns. Truly I am disgusted, because little boys making life changing decisions make for big convoluted consequences. It's not enough anymore to live in ignorance. Ignorance is not bliss, and knowledge really is power. It's time we wake up.

I really could continue on this topic, but in all honesty it's almost been a year since Chris passed away and I still haven't scheduled a counseling session with a grief specialist. I want to come to you all, when some of my thoughts have come full circle... and quite honestly... I still am left shaking my head, questioning everything, and overall confused about life and purpose in general.

So until I find the words... and healing repays me a visit...

In Loving Memory of Christopher R. Polk & Terrence L. Scott

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1 commento

EJ Johnson
EJ Johnson
20 feb 2019

I think loss is something that connects us all. I'm excited to read the remaining chapters.

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